


I Hate That I Love You

by KassandraScarlett



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Diary/Journal, Idiots in Love, Liam is in denial, M/M, Pining, Pining Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 15:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17769527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: "I'm going to count ten reasons why I'm not in love with Louis Tomlinson."- famous words of Liam Payne.





	I Hate That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Well, happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Dear Diary,

  I’m sure you’ve been wondering if there’s something wrong with me. After all, for the last few months, almost a whole year, all I’ve written about is Louis Tomlinson. Well, guess what? I’ve been wondering about the same thing myself. Why is it that I can’t stop thinking about him?

  So, I talked to Harry. After a lengthy discussion, which included alcohol, old movies, and a few tears, they came to the conclusion that I’m in love. Me! Can you even believe it? No, I can’t either.

  So, today, on Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided I’m going to count ten reasons why I’m not in love with anybody, especially not Louis Tomlinson, of all people.

  Ready? Okay, let's go.

  1.) HE’S HOT. This is a pretty obvious fact, actually. Even a blind man can tell Louis' good looking. I know because we once met a fan, who was blind, and she asked Louis if she could feel his face, just to get an idea of what he looks like. After a while minute of touching and stroking and bloody caressing, she said: “You’re a very attractive man, Louis.” And that’s just so... weird, really. Nobody can be that gorgeous, and a good person at the same time.

  2.) HIS EYES. This is something that really annoys me. Louis has really beautiful eyes, this unique sort of blue that seems to have just a hint of green under the light. But then, sometimes, they look grey, like the ocean when it’s evening. And they’re so expressive! I’m pretty sure they have some sort of hypnotic quality to them. If that is the case, maybe it’s best if he keeps sunglasses on all the time, just to avoid mass hypnosis.

  3.) HIS SMILE. Louis has many kinds of smiles. The Press Smile. The Bullshitting Leer. The Seductive Smirk. And my least favourite: The Happy Grin. I hate that last one. Whenever he Happy Grins at me, the corners of his eyes crinkle up and I get this weird compulsion to do anything for him, to give him whatever he wants. I don’t like that feeling.

  4.) HIS HANDS. Yes, I know, it sounds weird. But his hands are so small, and yet, so warm. Whenever he touches me, which is a lot, it feels like he’s branding me, claiming me. And he’s a naturally touchy person. But I don’t know if everyone else in the band feels the same way? Or if it’s just me? Either possibility is alarming.

  5.) HIS VOICE. This doesn’t seem like a problem, I know. After all, he’s a singer, he’s part of the biggest boy band the world has seen since the Beatles. Of course, he would have a good voice. But what bothers me is the way it makes me feel. Every time he opens his mouth, I immediately snap to attention to listen to what he says. And when I can’t sleep, it’s always his voice that soothes me, calms me down. He shouldn’t have so much of an effect on me.

  6.) HE'S DISTRACTING. This has always been a problem for me. Louis is a distracting person. He can't ever sit still, unless he’s writing or playing the piano. Then he goes completely quiet, almost meditative. And that's just as bad, because then I can't help but watch him, just to see what he's like when he's not busy moving. I can't ever stop watching him. And it's not just physically distracting either. He’s started to invade my mental space too. I’m supposed to be writing songs about girls and sex and partying, not him.

  7.) HIS KINDNESS. It’s amazing, how much he thinks about other people. For all his sarcasm, his sass, his defensiveness, Louis is still one of the kindest people I know. It makes me worry about him, to be honest. The way he cares so much, it seems like too much at times. I’m afraid he’ll burn himself out with how bright he is, how considerate and caring he is.

  8.) HIS HEART. I don’t even know why this is a bother. It just gives me this really mushy, sentimental sort of feeling in my chest, whenever I see him interacting with his sister, or his mother, or our band mates. Louis doesn’t love an extensive list of people, but the ones who are lucky enough to be included, he gives them his everything. 

  9.) HIS INSECURITY. I hate this about him. Louis, no matter how confident or self-assured he acts, has no fucking idea how... How special he is. He thinks he has to work for his place in the band. I don’t know how to tell him, that the rest of us would have fallen apart without him there to make us laugh and keep our spirits up. Sure we’ve all got sick voices, we all know how to play the crowd and how to sell albums. But Louis is the one who made this band into a family. He gave me a family, showed me how to enjoy my life and how to love myself. It makes me angry that he doesn’t realize how much we need him.

  10.) HIS LOVE. This. This is the worst entry on this list. Louis loves me. I know because he told me so. And no, I don’t know why that is a problem, it just is. Because I'm not in love with him, I never said I was, so how dare he be in love with me? And, yes, I know, that makes no sense, who cares?

  So, there. Ten reasons. I. Am. Not. In love. With Louis. Tomlinson.

Until next time,

  Liam.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: bad-days-and-beautiful-nights


End file.
